Improper Slovak Language Usage
From: Head Quarters;
To: All Slovak Speaking Staff;
Subject: Improper Language Usage
Words like jebal pes, kurva zivot, kokot and other such expressions
will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter
how heated a discussion may become.
You will not say dojebal when someone makes a mistake, or srali na mna
if you see someone being reprehended, or hovno when a major mistake
has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb srat and jebat are
utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
No project manager, section head or administrator under any
circumstances will be referred to as kokotenko, kokot, jebnuty or hajzel.
Lack of determination will not be referred to as srac nor will
persons who lack initiative be referred to as kokotko.
Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be
referred to as kokotiny.
Do not say chod jebat svoju mamu if somebody is persistent; do not
add pojeb, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
Furthermore, you must not say dojebali sme to (refer to item 2) nor
na toto sa vyjebeme when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say chod do pice
nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with,"Co do pice chces!?".
Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial
partners skurveny dodavatel.
Do not say chodte do pice s tou kokotinou when a relevant project is
presented to you, nor should you ever answer metrovy kokot do tvojho zadku
when your assistance is required.
You should never call partner representatives as jebnuta svina or skurveny hajzel.
The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms
such as jebatelna pica, skurvene hovado or kokotsky buzerant.
Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say
mozem si s tymto vytriet zadok! Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.