Improper Slovak Language Usage
From: Head Quarters;
To: All Slovak Speaking Staff;
Subject: Improper Language Usage
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Words like jebal pes, kurva zivot, kokot and other such expressions
will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter
how heated a discussion may become.
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You will not say dojebal when someone makes a mistake, or srali na mna
if you see someone being reprehended, or hovno when a major mistake
has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb srat and jebat are
utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
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No project manager, section head or administrator under any
circumstances will be referred to as kokotenko, kokot, jebnuty or hajzel.
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Lack of determination will not be referred to as srac nor will
persons who lack initiative be referred to as kokotko.
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Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be
referred to as kokotiny.
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Do not say chod jebat svoju mamu if somebody is persistent; do not
add pojeb, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
Furthermore, you must not say dojebali sme to (refer to item 2) nor
na toto sa vyjebeme when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
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When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say chod do pice
nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with,"Co do pice chces!?".
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Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial
partners skurveny dodavatel.
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Do not say chodte do pice s tou kokotinou when a relevant project is
presented to you, nor should you ever answer metrovy kokot do tvojho zadku
when your assistance is required.
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You should never call partner representatives as jebnuta svina or skurveny hajzel.
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The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms
such as jebatelna pica, skurvene hovado or kokotsky buzerant.
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Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say
mozem si s tymto vytriet zadok! Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.